Fandoms

Fucking Fandoms

Intermingled with every fandom, you can find certain characters. But fandoms make me nervous. Why? Because it seems like, despite good intentions, you always run into trouble. Every fandom seems to have certain stereotypical members. For better or worse, these hackneyed fans often push me away from what should be a pleasant experience.

I have infinite patience, but not for most of these assholes.

My stance in general regarding fandoms has always been “Be seen, not heard.” Some would say I’m a lurker, but the reality is I don’t know you people. The most we have in common is an appreciation for the same music. It doesn’t mean we have to be besties. It also doesn’t mean I have to spend every waking moment on the fucking facebook group.

The Narcissistic Selfie Queen/King

Okay, I’m all for taking a photo of a fan wearing a new band shirt. But this should only be done once in a great while. Amidst all these selfies sharing pride in a musician/band is the narcissistic person everyone knows. I’m talking about the person that responds to a selfie with a selfie. The person who must share daily photos of him/herself, much to the detriment of the fandom.

I’m sorry. I’m here for the music, not your self-important delusions of grandeur. Great. You can afford to buy everything in the store. I’m proud of you, but I don’t need to see your face 27 times a day.

Often, this is the fan I end up blocking because they make me physically ill with the self-indulgent selfies.

The Shit-Disturber

There’s always one person in any fandom that will make some backhanded comment to piss off large portions of the fandom. Rarely are these comments about the band or music. Most of the time, the shit-disturber is the person looking to start a fight over topics that have nothing to do with the music. Granted most music is political in nature, why would you create a fan group/page/twat handle and then call a fellow fan a lib-tard? Do you really think the band would approve?

Shit disturbers also like to take comments out of context. Speaking from personal experience, I had a fan verbally attack me on facebook because SHE couldn’t follow posts properly.

It is my firm belief that Shit-Disturbers have to bring others down in order to feel better about themselves.

The Preening Peacock Admin

It seems like every group has an admin that likes to preen like a peacock. These people claim to be in the “inner circle.” They often post information garnered from band management before it is public knowledge. Sometimes these people get to see band members in “their natural habitat.” The reality is these band members and their management know that you are an admin to a large fan group. If they alienate you, they alienate a large portion of their fans. Of course they will agree to “special” interviews and allowing you to show them around town. It’s good for business.

I think the saddest part about the Preening Peacock Admin is that they don’t even realize what they are doing. They don’t realize that when they claim to be “in the know,” they are alienating a lot of fans. It’s even sadder when they poke fun of musicians and bands they claim to be supporting. Honestly, it isn’t right to make fun of someone because they can’t pronounce a word correctly, especially when English isn’t his/her first language. I’d like to hear the Preening Peacock try to pronounce words in the musicians home language properly. Seriously… it just makes you look like an ass… LIKE AN ASS. Unless they finally made Slutenese a formal language? And, honey, when you flirt ridiculously while talking to said band member, you just look like a desperate whore.

The Historian

Within each fandom, there is a person who seems to know everything about the band. They are a walking Wikipedia to the music, personas, merchandise, etc. They know all the bootlegs and concert locations. They can tell you birthdates of band members and even provide home addresses.

I’m sorry, but stalker much? I enjoy knowing things about musicians, but at some point you have to respect their privacy. How would you feel if someone knew everything about you? I don’t need to know someone’s shoe size. I don’t need to know what they had for breakfast.

I enjoy going to the historians for general, yet uncommon, information. For example, Tim Lanning in the Ghost fandom gives mini art-history lessons. I find these truly fascinating. Plus it’s educational.

The Cosplayer Extreme

For the love of all that is unholy, I will never understand these people. I understand that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but why are you recreating the look of a musician to this extreme? Here’s what I don’t understand: Why are you spending the equivalent to a mortgage payment on a costume? Do you have some latent homosexual fantasy towards said musician? Do you think it will get you noticed? Do you think said musician is going to want to be your BFF?

Honestly, if I ever saw a full head-to-toe replica of myself, I’d be looking for the spaceship. Pod people are fucking scary.

 

 

The Newbie

For better or worse, we’ve all been here. We’ve all been the new kid on the block. We ask questions that make other fans roll their eyes. We’ve made posts that have been made 27 times before. But if I have to read one more post about “Squarehammer” on Monday Night Football, I might have to rip my eyes out of their sockets. Is it really that difficult to look through the history of a fandom and see if a topic has already been discussed? Older fans tend to become jaded by the new fans.

It’s difficult to have patience in a group of 1000+ where 900 are new fans. It gets frustrating to see the same memes over and over, to hear the same stupid questions, etc. But we have to be patient. Remember, we were newbies too. Just educate the young little fuckers.

The Social Media Groupie

With the advent of social media, a lot of fans get a secret thrill out of their favorite musicians twatting at them or following them. Hell, even I get a thrill over it. That doesn’t mean I am going to assume that said musician knows who the fuck I am or even gives two shits about what is going on in my daily life.

Some of my favorite musicians have commented on and followed me on social media. I make zero pretenses that they actually know me or I them. There are infinite aspects of their lives that I do not know, just as they do not know about parts of my life. To presume that they know me and want to be friends with me is stupid. It’s stupid on a whole new level.

I will still fan girl when Niels Nielsen responds to a comment or Ben Christo likes a comment. This doesn’t mean that the next time they roll through Northern California I’m expecting anything from them. This is part of their job—to interact with their fans.

All social media has done is made it faster to talk to your favorite musicians. You don’t need a stamp. You don’t need to wait on the postman.

Final Thoughts

Sadly, because of a lot of these people I have left fan groups. For my own personal mental health, I cannot be surrounded by delusional fuckwits. I have a life I need to live. I have a job I need to do. Music is my stress reliever, not my stress inducer.

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